Bride-to-be Chooses New Best Friend to be Her MOH Instead of Jealous sister, Who Will Not Go to Her Bachelorette Party as a Result: ‘I knew you'd get married before me’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 12, 2024 9:00 PM EDT

Jealousy can run deep between two sisters, especially when one is used to getting her way.

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  • An exciting step in any bride-to-be's itinerary is to choose a maid of honor who you'll trust to make sure nothing unpredictable gets in the way of your special day. Traditionally (and I'm talking way back), the maid of honor was kept inside of the family circle. This includes a sister or maybe, a close cousin. As society steps away from this idea, we've seen friends, brothers, and other non-familial members in people's lives become MOHs. After all, shouldn't it be the person who you can have a hoot of a time with and is actively sharing your joy of having had success in love?

    The woman in this story is facing family turmoil because instead of choosing her jealous, often manipulative sister to be her MOH, she ultimately ends up choosing a relatively new friend. However, time isn't always a great measure of true friendship and real connection. The woman expresses that her sister has always figured out how to get her way (even at the expense of others), and intends to stop the cycle with her wedding party preferences. The woman's sister refused to express happiness directly following the woman's wedding announcement, instead demonstrating deeply rooted jealousy. What would you do if you were the bride-to-be?

  • 01
    AITA for not making my only sister my maid of honour?
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  • 02
    1 (26F) just got engaged to my long. time partner (27M). We got engaged on a holiday in Europe - super romantic. I called my sister (23F) a couple of hours later to tell her the exciting news. She did not say "congratulations" but simply "I knew you'd get married before me" in the most monotone voice possible. My sister has always undermined any achievement or happy news of mine since we were young, so this reaction didn't
    via Designer_Honeydew276
  • 03
    surprise me. My fiancé thinks that she is probably upset because our engagement is not about her and she loves attention. This was about two months about and since then my fiance and I are starting to make wedding plans. I decided to make my best friend (25F) my maid of honour because, although we have only been friends for 18 months, we have been by each others' sides through some
    via Designer_Honeydew276
  • 04
    horrible incidences at work as well as personal life. My best friend was also incredibly happy about our engagement news, which was obviously the complete opposite reaction from my sister. I've told my parents that I am making my best friend my maid of honour and they were not too pleased that I chose "someone I've known for a year over someone I've
    via Designer_Honeydew276
  • 05
    known my whole life (my sister)". I have explained that not only has my friend been by my side through some tough situations (my parents are aware of this), she was/is actually happy for me whereas my sister was not. My dad is ok with this, but my step-mom thinks I am very selfish that I have not chosen my own sister to be maid of honour. My sister found out a couple of days later (stepmom told her even though I asked her not to - I wanted
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  • 06
    to tell my sister myself) and she is livid. She also thinks I am incredibly selfish and how could I possibly do this to her?! She called me horrible and started crying saying she would never do this to me. I find this typical of my sister and manipulating because she always does this (cries and blames) whenever something doesn't go her way.
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  • 07
    Also important - my sister currently lives on the other side of the country. She has told me she will fly home for the wedding but will obviously not be here for other parts of the wedding including dress shopping and the bachelorette party. Am I the for not making my sister my maid of honour? PS I hope this all makes sense - | have ADHD and struggle to tell coherent stories.
    via Designer_Honeydew276
  • 08
    Tangerine_Bouquet 2h ago Supreme Court Just- [138] NTA. Your wedding, your choice. Your sister is acting like an entitled AH, and it sounds like your whole family is very used to that. It's not her day, it's yours. You get to choose who stands up for you. The logistics are just the icing on the cake--of
    via Tangerine_Bouquet
  • 09
    course she wouldn't be doing MoH things. Why would you give up those things? Let her cry. Maybe assign a close friend (or close friend among your family) to handle her during the wedding & reception so that she doesn't cause problems. Good luck.
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  • 10
    extinct_diplodocus Prime Ministurd [517] 2h ago NTA. MOH for your wedding is your choice, not your sister's and not your family's. This is totally aside from the fact that your sister would at best do a perfunctory job. She has to be about the least deserving MOH candidate and is concerned with herself, not about making your wedding work well.
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  • 11
    Rach891 2h ago • NTA, this is your wedding, your friend is a person who you feel comfortable with making your maid of honour and that has been of great help while your sister doesn't sound like she has a good relationship with you and just wants attention.
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  • 12
    DJsspinontheworld • 1h ago NTA - My sister wasn't my maid of honor nor was I hers. We both asked our best friends and were "just" bridesmaids in each other's weddings. It's your wedding! You ask who you want to be in the wedding party!
    via DJsspinontheworld
  • 13
    Pleasant-Koala147 • 1h ago Enthusiast [7] NTA. Your sister's comment is bizarre considering you're older than her so it would not be a surprise that you get married before her. Plus, as she's not living nearby or able to make the trip back for anything but the wedding, it wouldn't make sense for her to be the MOH.
    via Pleasant-Koala147
  • 14
    Is she by any chance your half- sister (I.e. step-mom's bio kid)? It would make sense as to why both your stepmom and sister are creating needless drama. Either way, you're about to get married and it's your responsibility to protect your new family from these drama queens. Start setting very clear boundaries around behaviour and expectations now or it'll only get worse.
    via Pleasant-Koala147
  • 15
    freerange_chicken . 1h ago Aficionado [10] NTA. It's your wedding and your MOH should be someone who loves and is excited for you guys, on top of the logistical stuff. I know that it's technically tradition but it doesn't sound like you guys are super close, so I'm not sure why she'd be upset other than simply wanting to be "important" on a big day for
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  • 16
    you/your family. If I were her I'd think it'd be a bit of a relief - as MOH, usually you'd need to be going to everything and planning a lot and it'd be difficult to do from afar, and expensive to be physically present for it all. Either way, you get to choose your bridal party. You don't have to adhere to any outdated traditions to keep her happy.
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  • 17
    As a complete aside, the comment about knowing you'd get married before her is a bit weird. If she's younger, that would kind of make sense just normally? But it doesn't matter either way. My younger brother is getting married next year, and we have a similar age gap. But I'm just... excited for him?
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  • 18
    ixiSlowbro • 2h ago NTA. Taking away the lack of congratulations for you and your significant other and her apparent need for attention, it's your day and you're allowed to determine who you want to be your MOH or in your wedding party.
    via ixiSlowbro
  • 19
    DivergingParallelism • 1h ago Enthusiast [8] NTA I'm pretty sure the "how could you do this to her" was about marrying first, not the maid of honor thing. Did she ask anything about the planning of the wedding in the last two months?
    via DivergingParallelism
  • 20
    Salty-Stable-9983 1h ago . NTA. I relate to this so much, I was my sister's maid of honor and I feel obligated to have her as mine, but we aren't close anymore (emotionally or distance). Sure you've known your sister longer but if your sister doesn't know you and support you as well as this friend, on top of the fact that your sister won't be able to make it to "standard" wedding events with you, your decision is completely justified
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  • 21
    pawswolf88 • 49m ago Part ipant [2] NTA and please be prepared for her to pull some attention seeking behavior on the day of to try to ruin your wedding. Seriously my mother did this and it ruined a lot of parts of my day. Appoint someone to deal with her and keep her away from you.
    via pawswolf88
  • 22
    Simple_Cheek2705 • 1h ago NTA. I would use the excuse of being on the other end of the country and need a bridesmaid to consistently help with all preparations needed. Another solution is to have 2 bridesmaids but at this point it's too late cause the drama already erupted; and I think you didn't want her to be to begin with.
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  • 23
    Petefriend86 • 40m ago Supreme Court Just- [1... NTA. There's a pretty easy way to determine if you shouldn't make someone your maid of honor: if they demand to be your maid of honor. It's really that simple.
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  • 24
    blackwillow-99 Part ipant [1] 1h ago NTA you called out your sister perfectly. Enjoy and plan with your bestie. Let her be upset.
    via blackwillow-99

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family drama drama wedding drama bridesmaids reddit story wedding sister Reddit Maid Of Honor friendship wedding party sibling rivalry sibling drama siblings
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